Cockneys Stalled in The Tower with Zombies

The Tower, Cockneys vs. Zombies, and Stalled are currently available on instant Netflix

The Tower

 

The Tower (2012) – Not rated

A luxury high-rise building in Seoul is hosting a fabulous Christmas party for its wealthy tenants and guests. But the soirée turns into a nightmare when two helicopters collide over the tower, starting a deadly fire.

From the Netflix description, you might think that this was a Korean remake of The Towering Inferno (1974). You would be right. You will have to read subtitles and this does not have the cheesy joy of seeing Steve McQueen face off against Paul Newman. The special effects are pretty darn nice though they haven’t quite perfected CGI fire.

The Tower isn’t great and suffers from a bit too much melodrama but is an enjoyable disaster flick.

Stalled

Stalled (2013) – Rated TV-14

A sad-sack janitor, appropriately named W.C., is cleaning the ladies’ room when the zombie apocalypse breaks out at the office Christmas party. Taking refuge in a stall, the unarmed, defenseless W.C. makes a final stand against the undead.

First, I must say that Stalled is barely a zombie movie. Yes, it occurs during a zombie apocalypse but it’s mainly a horror comedy that takes place (almost) entirely in a bathroom. It isn’t laugh out loud funny but it is fairly charming. The zombie makeup is not particularly good but its cartoonishness doesn’t work against the film. Office politics, office parties, and blue collar vs. white collar shenanigans are skewered. Dan Palmer is the writer and star and has to carry the entire film.

While nowhere near as funny as Shaun of the Dead or Fido, Stalled is mildly entertaining.

Cockneys vs. Zombies

Cockneys vs. Zombies (2012) – Not rated

“In an attempt to save their granddad’s old age home, slacker Cockneys Terry and Andy team up with three friends to rob a bank. But their caper goes awry when they run afoul of a horde of hungry zombies, who then do battle with the feisty pensioners.”

Cockneys vs. Zombies is just okay. Stalled is funnier. Warm Bodies is funnier still. Shaun of the Dead is much funnier. Fido is also much funnier. Still if you are desperate for a lighthearted take on the zombie genre and have watched all the others, this is a passable waste of time.

B-B-B-Bad to the Bone – Stalled on Zombie Hunter

Zombie Hunter is currently available on instant Netflix.

Zombie Hunter

Zombie Hunter (2013) – Not rated

When a street drug turns junkies into an army of zombies, Hunter finds himself with nothing but a beat-up car and a trunk full of guns and booze. Eventually, he stumbles across a small band of survivors.”

Let me start by letting you know that Danny Trejo is NOT the Zombie Hunter. Hunter is played by bland pretty boy Martin Copping. Copping does a monotone voiceover for much of the film. Danny Trejo, in spite of the advertising, is barely in it.

OMG. We were just introduced to the first female character and she has a voiceover too. Augh! Besides the rather annoying voiceovers, the director has a penchant for stopping the film to throw up a screen filling word or phrase like “Fast Lane Debbie”.

They begin Zombie Hunter by describing that the new drug is more popular than marijuana, in spite of it being an injectable – so even before the zombification, we have thrown reality out the window. The writing does not get better.

The special effects are dreadful. I guess my median standard is can my daughter the makeup artist do better. I’m guessing the effects here were done by a first year cosmetology or drama student.

Hunter is shot early on for no apparent reason as it is obvious that he is not a zombie since he is driving a car.

Zombie Hunter tries for a campy vibe but is just plain awful. K. King is the writer, director, and producer and those are his sole imdb credits.

Stalled

Stalled (2013) – TV-14

A sad-sack janitor, appropriately named W.C., is cleaning the ladies’ room when the zombie apocalypse breaks out at the office Christmas party. Taking refuge in a stall, the unarmed, defenseless W.C. makes a final stand against the undead.”

Stalled has some of the same limitations as Zombie Hunter but Stalled really is campy in a fun way. Sure Stalled has a very small budget, no name stars (the closest is Mark Holden who was in Captain Phillips and World War Z this year), and very limited locations but it makes the best of its scenario.

Dan Palmer wrote the screenplay and story for this film as well as starring as W.C. The whole mood is not serious – after all this is the apocalypse occurring at a Christmas party and almost the entire movie occurs in the bathroom, much of it in two separate stalls.

I didn’t find Stalled to be laugh out loud funny (except Jeff from I.T.’s scene) but it was fairly amusing. I liked that W.C. isn’t really a hero – he spends most of the film hiding and hoping he doesn’t get caught, only fighting for his life when forced.

Last of the November Netflix Goodies

Here are some more streaming goodies for you, courtesy of Netflix.

Killing Season

Action: Killing Season, Red Dawn

Anime: Legend of the Legendary Heroes

Comedy: Several new Mystery Science Theater 3000s (Devil Fish, Beginning of the End, Gamera vs. Guiron, I Accuse My Parents, Werewolf), Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants, Serious Moonlight, World’s Greatest Dad, Jim Norton: American Degenerate, Losers Take All

Documentary: Dirty Business, Last Call at the Oasis, Outrage (2009), For the Love of Movies

My Week with Marilyn

Drama: Savannah, My Week with Marilyn, Bronson, The Burning Plain, Ondine, Crazy for Christmas

Family: Saving Santa, The Magic Crystal, Robin Hood, The Sword in the Stone

Red Cliff

Foreign: Russian Ark, Crystal Fairy, In the House, I Am Love, Legend of the Tsunami Warrior, Ong Bak 2: The Beginning, Power Kids, Red Cliff: Theatrical version, Tidal Wave, The Warlords, Paradise Love, Confucius, Glove, Myn Bala: Warriors of the Steppe

Horror: Stalled

Television: Alaska: Ice Cold Killers, Alaska: The Last Frontier, Farscape, Video Game High School and a new season of Sins & Secrets

Thriller: Breaking the Girls, Scenic Route, The Oxford Murders, The Iceman