One of these days, I’m going to start a post with, “I hate…” but not today. I love apocalyptic movies. The end of the world and/or humanity (because one does not necessarily presume the other) has always fascinated me.
I loved the Omen series (the first one is a classic, the second one apes the same formula and is still quite good, the third one is a real mixed bag but still enjoyable, the remake is garbage). Still for some reason I have never gotten around to watching the Left Behind series.
All three volumes of Left Behind starring Kirk Cameron and the new one starring Nicolas Cage are available on instant Netflix.
Left Behind (2014) – Rated PG-13
“After millions of people on Earth suddenly disappear, a pilot flying a plane stuck at 30,000 feet must find a way to ensure the passengers’ survival.”
Okay I decided to try the Nicolas Cage one first as I thought his presence would make things more bearable. Well, I actually groaned aloud at some of the dialogue less than three minutes in.
I live in the deep south. I have plenty of religious friends (yes, I know that sounds a little too close to ‘some of my best friends are…’ but bear with me). People of faith do not talk like this. People do not talk like this. Yet this is their version of a ‘meet cute’. Ugh.
Wow. I was tempted to type OMG but refrained. Somewhat. The speechifying is incredible in this movie and not in a good way. This movie is just awful and I am now only ten minutes in.
When the event occurs, hilarity sets in. Clothes rain from the sky as if people had been floating there. In 2.5 seconds, a massive looting riot of the mall sets in even though most people weren’t raptured. They throw a driverless car straight at one of the characters in the mall (was the driver headed straight for these doors prior to rapture?). After the looting, she goes to her car and they throw a pilotless plane straight at her. I am thinking she did something to tick off somebody upstairs.
Left Behind actually turns into an Airport movie (Airport ’15?). Once all the other pilots disappear (who knew pilots were so pious?) from the plane and an altogether too close other plane, Rayford Steele (Nicolas Cage) is left to calm all the remaining passengers on his plane and bring them safely home. The passengers on the other plane are just out of luck.
There is a fair bit of hemming and hawing. Did the terrorists invent a new bomb? Was it aliens? a parallel dimension? The Langoliers? Eventually people figure out what happened (apparently the clothes LEFT BEHIND did not clue anyone in).
Other than that, Steele is left to land the plane. There is no real urgency in this, even though the script throws various disaster tripes at us. This has to be the most boring airplane in peril movie I have ever seen and I have seen quite a few. That would not be a fatal flaw except that the movie really isn’t about the rapture.
Avoid at all costs. In spite of this, I’m going to check out the Kirk Cameron versions tomorrow.