Furious 7 – Part Deux Vroom Vroom

Furious 7 is currently playing in theaters.

Furious 7

 

Furious 7 (2015) – Rated PG-13

Dominic Torretto and his crew thought they left the criminal mercenary life behind. They defeated an international terrorist named Owen Shaw and went their seperate ways. But now, Shaw’s brother, Deckard Shaw is out killing the crew one by one for revenge. Worse, a Somalian terrorist called Jakarde, and a shady government official called “Mr. Nobody” are both competing to steal a computer terrorism program called God’s Eye, that can turn any technological device into a weapon. Torretto must reconvene with his team to stop Shaw and retrieve the God’s Eye program while caught in a power struggle between terrorist and the United States government.”

Well I spent yesterday detailing how atrocious the script for Furious 7 was. The thing is there’s another movie here. The other Furious 7 is all about the casting and that film is knocked out of the park.

All of the previous crew return in Furious 7 although Sung Kang as Han only appears in the scene repeated from the end of Fast & Furious 6. The multi-ethnic portion is a good sell for the international market. Obviously there is a lot of sentiment for Paul Walker’s final performance. Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson are given star roles but there are plenty of good moments for Tej (Ludacris), Roman (Tyrese Gibson), and Mia (Jordana Brewster).

Jason Statham is a great tough guy and it’s a wonderful coup that Furious 7 was able to convince him to play a villain. While not a great actor, he oozes danger. Unfortunately, they go overboard with this and make him unstoppable. He is a former special forces assassin with obvious psychic abilities.

Kurt Russell is brought out of retirement to play the enigmatic Mr. Nobody. I honestly thought that the next time I would see him would be in The Expendables 4 (or 5). He is suitably cool and appeals to older audiences. They also give him a kick-butt action sequence.

In smaller henchmen roles, they have wisely cast MMA champion Ronda Rousey and martial arts master Tony Jaa. Naturally, Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) and Kara (Ronda Rousey) have a rousing good fight that is a highlight of the film. Kiet (Tony Jaa) has several scenes but his inside the bus fight with Brian (Paul Walker) is one of the other highlights.

Unfortunately, while director James Wan has a fantastic stunt team on his hands, he still resorts to the now standard shaky cam and fast editing of action sequences. The sequences aren’t ruined but most of them aren’t allowed proper room to breathe. Wan often seems more interested in various camera tricks than in the mutlimillion dollar stunts.

While the cast is excellent, the movie is not. It is quite watchable however. If all you want is to see some good fights, pretty people, and fast cars then Furious 7 will take care of you. It is also a loving homage to Paul Walker, that is one part they did get right.

Furious 7 – Brain Dead or Brain Deader?

Furious 7 is currently playing in theaters.

Furious 7

 

Furious 7 (2015) – Rated PG-13

Dominic Torretto and his crew thought they left the criminal mercenary life behind. They defeated an international terrorist named Owen Shaw and went their seperate ways. But now, Shaw’s brother, Deckard Shaw is out killing the crew one by one for revenge. Worse, a Somalian terrorist called Jakarde, and a shady government official called “Mr. Nobody” are both competing to steal a computer terrorism program called God’s Eye, that can turn any technological device into a weapon. Torretto must reconvene with his team to stop Shaw and retrieve the God’s Eye program while caught in a power struggle between terrorist and the United States government.

I want to talk about two movies. Back in 2013, I spent some time ragging on the aggressively stupid Fast & Furious 6. I would not have thought it possible for the franchise to get stupider but I was so wrong. Furious 7 easily has the dumbest, most poorly plotted, cliched excuse for a script since the last Transformers fiasco.

Although I am certain that much of this is by committee, blame must be laid at the feet of scribe Chris Morgan. He has written the script for five of the Fast & Furious movies and, if he was trying before, he certainly isn’t now.

I congratulate Morgan on coming up with the single most irrelevant MacGuffin in the history of cinema. Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and the F&F gang join a not-so-clandestine organization to recover an item that would tell them where Deckard Shaw is. The thing is that the group is unable to go ANYWHERE without Deckard Shaw being there.

Seriously, I mean ANYWHERE. They literally parachute onto an obscure highway in Azerbaijan and *SURPRISE* Deckard Shaw shows up on that highway. They crash a party in Abu Dhabi and *SURPRISE* who steps off the elevator but Deckard Shaw. Morgan doesn’t even bother with a reason why he would be there. They jaunt off to Los Angeles and, well, you get the picture.

Deckard is also quite psychic in several other scenes. When he confronts Hobbs, he says “like I said…” and then proceeds with information that he never actually said or even hinted at. Deckard is able to, in the span of 36 hours per a news report, attack Hobbs, steal information about the crew, jet off to Tokyo, track down and kill Han, and mail a package containing a ‘smart’ bomb back to Toretto’s house. He also has some mystical knowledge that Toretto is right by the bomb, even though Deckard is in Tokyo.

I say smart bomb because, while it entirely destroys Toretto’s house, it does absolutely no damage to the house next door, even the windows. Moving on from the plotting, the dialogue is just dreadful. I would say that it’s a throwback to 80s action cinema but if so, it’s to bad 80s action cinema. The one-liners fall with dull thuds and there are no clever retorts.

You just earned yourself a dance with the devil, boy.”

“Did you bring the cavalry?” – “Woman, I am the cavalry” (although he actually says calvary)

“The thing about street fights… the street always wins.”

“Would you believe I knocked him out with my charm?” – “You’re not that charming, b*tch.

As per the norm, Furious 7 has no idea of what a hacker is or does. Unfortunately for a 2015 movie, Furious also has no idea how the internet works or for that matter cell phone service, towers in particular. Honestly, the ignorance on display here is embarrassing. Talk about setting the bar low.

More tomorrow – I have to go wipe the froth from my lips.

Yay! More FREE Movies!

There are lots of new FREE movie offers out there.

Spongebob Movie

Regal sent me an email. For those Regal theaters that are still showing The Spongebob Movie – Sponge Out of Water, you can now buy two tickets and get two FREE until April 2nd.

Selma

For those Regal theaters showing Selma, tickets are buy one, get one FREE.

Home

 

Wal-Mart, Best Buy, and Target have FREE tickets for Home on various DVDs and Blu-Rays. Several of the DVDs at Wal-Mart are priced at $5 and include a $7.50 movie ticket making them a rather easy purchase.

Titles include: Bee Movie, The Croods, Flushed Away, How to Train Your Dragon 1&2, Joseph: King of Dreams, Kung Fu Panda 1&2, Madagascar 1-3, Mr. Peabody & Sherman, Prince of Egypt, Rise of the Guardians, Shark Tale, the first two Shreks, Spirit, & Turbo. Make sure you get one with a sticker.

Furious 7

Best Buy and Target have FREE tickets to Furious 7 on various Blu-Rays, mostly the other Fast & Furious series. Target has a display of the movies on an endcap in their toy section. Again make sure that your copy has one of the stickers. The non Fast & Furious movies include 47 Ronin, Riddick, Non-Stop, Rush, Lone Survivor, and Death Race.

 

 

 

2015 – Squee! or Sequelitis

Hollywood loves Marc. Well, Hollywood loves 50 year old Marc’s money and is willing to give him what he wanted when he was 15. Certainly I can hear critics bemoaning the lack of originality in 2015’s film slate but I am seriously excited.

Avengers Age of Ultron

I am looking forward to the conclusion of Peter Jackson’s Hobbit Trilogy (it seems more his than Tolkien’s at this point). I am not however excited by it. This holiday season has seen the release of trailers for Avengers: Age of Ultron, Jurassic World, and Star Wars Episode 7. I am VERY excited about all three of these. In fact by this time next year, I would expect to own the first two on Blu-ray and be just a short time from seeing the third in theaters.

Jurassic World

As if all of this were not enough of reliving my childhood, we get a brand new Mad Max film in May, a new Terminator film in July, and yet still another James Bond movie in November (this one with Christoph Waltz as Blofeld!). With these and others, my movie theater bill is going to be terrible next year.

Star Wars Force Awakens

On the other hand, I can see where original ideas may be completely squeezed out. In addition to the above, we have the following numbered sequels releasing next year: The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The Woman in Black 2, Taken 3, Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Furious 7, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, Pitch Perfect 2, Insidious 3, Ted 2, Sinister 2, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon II, Hotel Transylvania 2, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay part 2, Kung Fu Panda 3, Mission Impossible V, and Resident Evil 6.

Unnumbered sequels, continuations, remakes, and reboots include (but are certainly not limited to): Cinderella (live action), Paranormal Activitiy: The Ghost Dimension, Divergent: Insurgent, Entourage, The Transporter Legacy (without Statham boo!), Magic Mike XXL, Minions, Pan, Poltergeist, Point Break, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., The Maze Runner: Scorch Trials, Hitman Agent 47, London Has Fallen (sequel to Olympus Has Fallen), The Jungle Book, Vacation, Peanuts, and an untitled Friday the 13th sequel.

All of this makes 2015 exciting to me for the sheer comfort of returning to my childhood. I am sure there will be some original delights, diamonds in the rough but, regardless, I will be satisfied with all the bright, shiny things.