Red Sonja

Netflix doesn’t have Conan the Destroyer available on instant play so if you need a second dose of sword-swinging Arnold after yesterday’s Conan the Barbarian, try Red Sonja.

Red Sonja

PASS: Red Sonja (1985) – Rated PG-13

“After her family is brutally murdered, a young woman named Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen) sees “red” and becomes a master of the sword — all to seek revenge on the evil queen responsible for the tragedy that snuffed out her kin. Directed by Richard Fleischer, the film co-stars Arnold Schwarzenegger (in one of his earliest roles) and features Sandahl Bergman as the evil queen.”

This is Arnold’s 3rd outing as Conan in all-but-name. Sadly not only is this not very good but Arnold himself considers it one of his worst films. Production values came down quite a bit from Conan the Barbarian and unfortunately it shows. This also continues the family friendly PG-13 trend started in Conan the Destroyer which seems odd for a Robert E. Howard/Frank Frazetta inspired series. They added Black Belt/child actor Ernie Reyes Jr. to the mix which I found somewhat grating.

Regrettably Sandahl Bergman turned down the title role – opting instead to play the villain Queen Gedren. If you thought Sandahl was a bit wooden in Conan, you haven’t seen anything until you see Brigitte Nielsen as Sonja. They also make Gedren a lesbian. Gasp! An evil lesbian! who wants to destroy the world! How do we know she is evil? Her face is scarred! Examples number 63, 104 and 106 in our series on lazy lazy lazy screenwriting.

All in all there are just too many flaws – most of them significant – for me to recommend this film. If you can check your brain at the door and enjoy a healthy dose of Arnold then by all means go ahead and watch this piece of cheese – otherwise give this a pass.

People Watch: As with my post on Flesh + Blood, look for perennial villain Ronald Lacey as, surprise, a villain.