Bubba Ho-Tep – Bruce Campbell week

This is Bruce Campbell week. Bubba Ho-Tep is currently available on instant Netflix.

WATCH: Bubba Ho-Tep (2003)  – Rated R for language, some sexual content, and brief violent images.

“In this black comedy, Elvis Presley (Bruce Campbell) is an elderly resident in an East Texas rest home who switched identities with an impersonator years before his “death” and missed his chance to switch himself back. When the King teams up with a fellow resident (Ossie Davis) who thinks he is John F. Kennedy, the two old codgers prepare to battle an evil Egyptian entity that has chosen their long-term care facility as its happy hunting grounds.”

Elvis – My God, man. How long have I been here? Am I really awake, or am I just dreamin I am awake? How could my plans have gone so wrong?”

First a word or two of warning. This movie is profane. Really profane. This makes the target audience a bit tricky to judge as the main characters are two elderly men in a nursing home who spend much of their time graphically discussing how old age has betrayed them, often in reference to their naughty bits.

The elderly might be offended by the constant stream of profanity. I know I would not show this to my mother or my in-laws. On the other hand how is it to hold the interest of young people when there are essentially no young people in it?

While this is primarily a horror comedy, it also has a lot to say about our mistreatment of the elderly. The convalescence home is of course a misnomer – it is clear that even before the horror starts, no one is leaving the home alive.

I really like how Coscarelli portrayed the home as a place where people are just sitting around waiting to die. Elvis spends most of the movie in bed. Coscarelli has a lot of lovely time-lapse photography showing things from the invalid point of view.

The concept, from a short story by Joe R. Lansdale, is brilliant. Elvis Presley and John F. Kennedy team up to fight evil beings in a nursing home. Don Coscarelli wrote the script and as I have not read the short story, I am not sure which one of them to credit more with the lunacy that occurs.

Don Coscarelli is best known as the creator of the Phantasm series of movies. He directs here in addition to writing the screenplay. He does quite well especially given his restrictions on using actual Elvis material.

Bruce Campbell does a wonderful job as Elvis. His wry, self-deprecating delivery is so spot-on that Coscarelli gives him a lot of voice-over material in addition to his dialogue. Next to Ash, Elvis is the best character Campbell has brought to life.

Ossie Davis provides fine support as a very dignified if pigmentally-challenged JFK. Ella Joyce has a scene-stealing role as the nurse. Coscarelli regular Reggie Bannister (Phantasm I-IV) has a small role here as the rest home administrator.

Fun fact: Not one piece of Elvis music is heard in the film. Not only that but the Elvis movie marathon does not feature Elvis. On the DVD audio commentary, Coscarelli mentions that playing just one Elvis song would have cost half his budget.

As a favor to Coscarelli and his micro-budget, noted special effects group KNB did the effects for just the cost of materials.

As long as you do not mind the profanity, I recommend this fun off-the-wall film.

People Watch: Although it has not yet been filmed, Coscarelli has written the script for Bubba Nosferatu.

The Beastmaster

The Beastmaster is currently available on Netflix instant play.

The Beastmaster

AVOID: The Beastmaster (1982) – Rated PG

“A warrior named Dar (Marc Singer) embarks on a perilous journey to seek his revenge on the monstrous priest Maax (Rip Torn) who slaughtered his family. Along the way, he’s helped by a cunning hunter (John Amos), a beautiful slave girl (Tanya Roberts from TV’s “Charlies Angels”) and his own extraordinary ability to communicate with animals. Spawned a couple of sequels.”

I’m not sure why Dar wants revenge. Dar’s mother is killed and his father blinded and dethroned and then Dar is to be sacrificed as a baby. This fails with the intervention of a villager who becomes his stepfather and raises him to manhood. But wait! Then the evil Maax kills his stepfather! That’s not enough so they wipe out his entire village! Now Dar is slightly annoyed. So they kill his dog! Okay now Dar is ready for revenge.

How do we know that evil Maax is evil? Is it because he burns whole villages to the ground? Nope. Is it because he sacrifices babies and children? Nope. Is it because he causes his own men to commit suicide for no apparent reason? Nope though he does that too. Is it because he has BAD TEETH? You got it! Maax is played by Rip Torn in what has to be the worst performance of his career.

Once again I must speak on the subject of cannibalism. As usual we have a pot of boiling water with a complete head floating in it. Not that I think that we should have realistic cannibalism in film but when we eat venison, we don’t cut off the deer’s head and stick it in a pot of water.

At one point in the film a character gets shot in the right shoulder and it is mentioned that he “won’t have the use of his left hand for a while”. Ummmm okay. The ferrets don’t make ferret noises and instead squeak. Tanya Roberts and some slave girls are rescued at one point but because we don’t care about the others, they disappear and I don’t mean they go somewhere else. One moment they are in the scene being rescued and the next moment they aren’t.

It is apparent that the people making the film wanted Dar to have a panther as a companion. They seemed to have difficulty coming up with one so they just painted a tiger black. I don’t understand why they didn’t just change the script to make it a tiger so we don’t spend the whole film going “wait are those stripes?”.

So what works in this film? The central concept, stolen/borrowed from a series of Andre Norton Beast Master novels, is a sound one. The ferrets, replacing Norton’s meerkats, are adorable. Tanya Roberts is pretty and topless in one scene. Marc Singer is very buff and constantly topless, and John Amos’ performance is inoffensive (which shows what I think of the other performances).

The only other good thing about this movie is that the sequel – Beastmaster 2:Why don’t we just save money and set Beastmaster in our world – wait I mean Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time (1991) makes the original Beastmaster seem like a masterpiece. After that they made a made-for-TV movie Beastmaster: The Eye of Braxus (1996) and then, believe it or not, a TV series (1999) though the TV series replaces Marc Singer with Daniel Goddard.

PEOPLE WATCH: This movie is so bad that we have a people watch for who wasn’t in it. Director Don Coscarelli wanted to cast Demi Moore, who had auditioned repeatedly, as the female lead but was overruled by the producers.