3 Musketeers, The Three Musketeers, Musketeers Forever – Alexandre Dumas week

3 Musketeers, The Three Musketeers (2004), and Musketeers Forever (1998) are currently available on instant Netflix.

3 Musketeers

3 Musketeers (2011) – Not rated

Unlike the big-screen swashbuckler of the same name, this B-movie takes a modern twist as NSA agent Alexandra D’Artagnan rounds up three famous spies to foil an assassination plot on the president of the United States.”

Tagline – “All for one. Guns for all.”

This starts with “The Asylum Presents”. Nothing more need be said. There was a credit for Line Producer. I think that is what Asylum calls a director as their movies are simply assembly line productions.

I could take an entire review detailing what is wrong with the first fifteen minutes of this movie. For example Aramis has a gun trained on a character. She then high kicks the character before shooting them twice. Just avoid this typical piece of Asylum garbage.

Three Musketeers

The Three Musketeers (2004) – Rated G

In Disney’s take on the Alexander Dumas tale, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy want nothing more than to perform brave deeds on behalf of Queen Minnie, but they’re stymied by the head Musketeer, Pete, who secretly wants to get rid of the queen.”

Okay look at the photo – that tells you all you need to know. My granddaughter Dorothy enjoyed it. This is not really much of a Three Musketeers adaptation but better than the one from Asylum certainly.

Musketeers Forever (1998) – Not rated

A group of ex-secret agents open a jazz club in Las Vegas. One of them falls in love with a Native American and finds out that the local Reserve is threatened by the greed of a powerful gangster. So, like three modern musketeers, they start to act.”

Ouch! The film opens with a poker scene done in close-ups with an ear-splitting, nails on chalkboard score. When Ben O’Connor (Lee Majors!) wins a bunch of money, he throws all the chips in the air with the camera focusing tightly on that shot.

We then cut to a scene with Irina (Sylvie Varakine) and her companion, involved in a shady deal with two other characters. Irina places herself between the two characters (something no one would ever do). She hits the one in front of her and the one behind pulls a gun. She turns around, pulls a gun, grabs his gun with other hand, and after pausing, kills him. Please note this is not done with any particular artistry or skill.

We have a very brief obligatory nude scene and then there’s the fixing up the club we just bought montage. Every one of the first few scenes screams low-budget, direct-to-video and that’s all before we are even introduced to D’Artagnon (Michael Dudikoff).

This is just really bad. They try to shoehorn various Musketeer references in even though only D’Artagnon is named after the Dumas classic.