Saving You Time – Jack the 500 MPH Giant Killer Storm Mountain

Here are a slew of recent drek from Asylum you should just avoid. They are all terrible and feature vapid dialog, terrible special effects, and usually a celebrity either plummeting down the list or one that has already hit rock bottom.

500 MPH Storm500 MPH Storm (2013) – Not rated

“A rise in ocean temperatures creates a massive hurricane the size of Australia that sweeps cities into the stratosphere and tears a hole in the ozone. Will this be the end for all life on earth?”

Will this be the end for all life on Earth? Honestly I don’t know. I simply could not get through it. Slummer: Casper Van Dien – where’s an unnecessary Starship Troopers 4 when you need one?

Killer MountainKiller Mountain (2011) – Not rated

When an expedition disappears on the world’s highest unclimbed mountain, an expert climber is lured out of retirement to save them. But after he hears the team’s panicked final transmission, he becomes convinced that something more sinister awaits.

Genre stalwarts Emmanuelle (Smallville, Saw 2) Vaugier and Aaron (Battlestar Galactica) Douglas at least try here. The story is the usual Syfy trash but just a little bit more watchable because it isn’t from Asylum.

Jack the Giant KillerJack the Giant Killer (2013) – Not Rated

A beanstalk brings Jack to a land in the clouds filled with evil beasts in this fantasy tale (not to be confused with the hit Jack the Giant Slayer). When the creatures make their way to Earth, Jack must follow suit to save his hometown.”

Asylum all the way baby – run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit. Obviously released to ripoff Jack the Giant Slayer. Slummer: None other than Chariot of Fire’s Ben Cross.

Up next from Asylum: Atlantic Rim – premiering days before Guillermo del Toro’s Pacific Rim. No, I’m not kidding. At least the upcoming Sharknado has a good title.