The Golden Raspberry Awards 2013 part deux

Worst Supporting Actor:
David Hasselhoff – “Pirannha 3-DD”
Taylor Lautner – “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part II”
Liam Neeson – “Battleship” and “Wrath of the Titans”
Nick Swardson – “That’s My Boy”
Vanilla Ice – “That’s My Boy”

My thoughts: Yes, Liam Neeson totally phoned in his performance in both Battleship and Wrath of the Titans but that’s probably better than Nick Swardson or Vanilla Ice on their best day.

Worst Screen Ensemble:
“Battleship”
“The Oogieloves in Big Balloon Adventure”
“That’s My Boy”
“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part II”
“Madea’s Witness Protection”

My thoughts: Again I only have Battleship to go by. Casting here was clearly done by committee: Liam Neeson will bring in the older audience, get that kid from Friday Night Lights, get that guy from True Blood, get an African American singer so we cover that demographic, have a blond model as the heroine to bring in the boys who weren’t interested in Rihanna. Finally, have a hot Japanese actor in the film so we can sell it overseas.

Worst Screenplay:
“Atlas Shrugged Part II”
“Battleship”
“That’s My Boy”
“A Thousand Words”
“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part II”

My thoughts: Battleship’s screenplay was written by Erich and Jon Hoeber. It is entertaining in a train wreck way. I swear I am not making this next part up. After a U.S. warship is COMPLETELY destroyed in full view of Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch), Alex says “I have a bad feeling about this.”. Funny I had a similar bad feeling going into this.

A note to the aliens: if you have two major weapons and one sometimes works and the other always works and causes much more destruction then perhaps you should lead with the good weapon. We don’t send in infantry and ask them to fight hand-to-hand and tell them when that doesn’t work then they can pull out a gun and shoot.

Worst Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel:
“Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance”
“Pirannha 3DD”
“Red Dawn”
“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part II”
“Madea’s Witness Protection”

My thoughts: I was expecting Red Dawn to be awful, what with it sitting on a shelf somewhere for three years. Instead I found it mindlessly entertaining, mostly due to Chris Hemsworth. I do stress the mindless – any rationale or salient plot point from the original was dropped in favor of making the band of heroes more photogenic.

Ghost Rider 2 was orders of magnitude worse. Incoherent trash with a somnambulic Nicolas Cage (I guess he has to sleep somewhere), Ghost Rider 2 was the worst film I saw in theaters last year – AVOID!

Worst Director:
Sean Anders – “That’s My Boy”
Peter Berg – “Battleship”
Bill Condon – “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part II”
Tyler Perry – “Good Deeds” and “Madea’s Witness Protection”
John Putch – “Atlas Shrugged: Part II”

My thoughts: Sorry, again I’ve only seen Battleship. Peter Berg’s direction here is best described as easy mode. I’ve already discussed the cast and the execrable script. He takes those and adds a ton of explosions, CGI, and shots of U.S. Naval ships. Voila! We have a film.