Postal – Videogames are bad for you week

This is videogames are bad for you week. So far I have been 0 for 3 – my worst week ever. Postal is currently available on instant Netflix.

Postal

AVOID: Postal (2007) – UR – Unrated

The theatrical version was rated R for extremely crude humor throughout, including strong sexuality, graphic nudity, violence, and for pervasive language and some drug use. Presumably the unrated version is worse.

“A live-action cross between “South Park” and Team America: World Police, this cheeky satire centers on jobless trailer-park resident Dude (Zack Ward). Desperate for dough, Dude and his ethically challenged Uncle Dave (Dave Foley) cook up a scheme to pinch a shipment of Krotchy dolls — the new stuffed talking penis toy — and sell them on eBay. Unfortunately, al-Qaida has the same idea … but plans to lace the toys with avian flu.”

“What is the difference between a duck?”

I actually really liked the above line in the movie. I also liked a scene where, while the hero is waiting for his number to be called, a shootout occurs. The hero moves among the victims trading his number up. If you only like reading positive things then it is time for you to stop here.

I hate to strike the same chord by reviewing yet another Uwe Boll film. Unfortunately the few videogame movies that I’ve seen and enjoyed are not available on instant Netflix. Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil while not Oscar contenders are good dumb fun.

The tagline on the poster for Postal is “Disgusting. Offensive. Stupid.” Well for once Uwe Boll hits his target. In spite of what I wrote above, the movie is virtually unwatchable.

For disgusting, we have plenty of toilet humor. I’m not sure whether to qualify the astonishing amount of misogyny as disgusting or offensive so since I’m male, I’ll go with disgusting. That’s not to mention the trailer park scenes.

For offensive, we have the theme park of Little Germany. The park comes complete with concentration camp section. Our protagonists raid the park dressed in Hitler moustaches and swastika armbands. If that doesn’t offend you, how about some dwarf-tossing? Perhaps watching young children being graphically shot is your offensive cause celebre.

That is all in the first half. Trust me it gets much more offensive in the second half. I’d catalog it but then I’d have to mark this post NSFW.

Finally that brings us to stupid. Well I have to tell you that that is ME! I watched this while film from beginning to end and my eyes are burning. This was so painful.

Uwe Boll grabs his usual suspects. Michael Pare puts in his usual cameo. Zack Ward (Bloodrayne II, Alone in the Dark II) is the ‘star’ of the film. German giant Ralf Moeller plays Officer John. J.K. Simmons (J. Jonah Jameson of Spider-Man) goes slumming – I mean puts in an appearance. They didn’t bother to write Verne Troyer (Mini-Me from Austin Powers) a role so he just plays himself.

Oh well, 0 for 4. Avoid this film. Please let tomorrow be a better day.

People Watch: Uwe Boll sticks it to the audience by playing himself. His videogame movies are referred to as ‘popular’ and he indicates that they are financed by Nazi gold.